There are a lot of common things I hear in my job. The phrase “I’ve been looking for that!” is all too familiar. The phrase “I think I’m a hoarder” is also well worn. But the thing that I never quite get used to, the thing that always still causes me some pain to hear is the blame. I cannot count how many times I’ve heard “Well… YOU always do THIS!”, “It’s her fault!”, “He can’t seem to ever”, etc. I have seen deep pain in children whose parents blame them for their issues and deep sadness in parents whose children blame them for theirs. I’ve seen spouses practically divorce one another over the coat closet.
Putting fault on others is an outlet. It is an outlet for the shame we feel for not doing the very thing we are angry about. It is much easier to point outwards than to look inwards. But think about those times when someone has really impacted you. They probably didn’t do it through blame or accusation. They probably did it by example. They lived by example.
Your choices are the only freedom you have. If you want to elicit change in someone else, you must set the example.
Stop looking outward for change. Be the change you wish to see.